Payback's a Prank
by BalthierFlare
Summary: Edward is tired of his family taking advantage of his gift of mind reading. He decides to use it against them in a series of pranks! Plus, he becomes obsessed with texting! All in one! OOC, pineapples, and exclamations abundant. Reviews appreciated.
1. The Blouse

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Payback's a Prank

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Mind reader. Why did everyone utilize it? I'm tired of it! It's aggravating constantly hearing the hum of voices that aren't vocalized. Everyone wants to know what others think, except me. Maybe I can use this…

_Edward, _Rosalie called; _does Emmett think I'm beautiful?_

For the seventh time today she asked. You think if someone themselves was thoroughly satisfied with their looks, they wouldn't worry about others. I smirked, I could make this fun. Emmett was too close for me to speak aloud, so I sent her a text message: **No, he thinks your blouse is hideous. **It's a miracle she didn't try to fight with me that he hadn't thought it earlier.

I could see her mouth gape open, and she stomped over to Emmett. Poor Emmett…

_Edward? What's wrong with Rose? _He asked me.

My fingers flew across the keypad of my cell phone. This was convenient, no wonder so many people texted constantly. I held in my laughter as I sent him the message: **She heard you cheated on her.**

I have no idea with whom Emmett would, and I don't believe he would. However, Emmett didn't even seem to consider that, and immediately apologized, "I didn't cheat on you!" He shouted to the approaching Rosalie.

She gasped, "What do you mean?!"

I tried to hush my laughter inconspicuously. Rosalie continued screaming, "Who? When? Am I not good enough for you?! Is it because my blouse is 'hideous'?"

I held back my satisfied chuckle. Emmett waved his arms, "I didn't! I swear! Honestly!"

Rosalie flared her nostrils, and angrily stalked her way up to her room.

Emmett's thoughts intruded on the party inside mine, _What can I do Edward? Does she believe I cheated on her? And where did she come up with the blouse thing? I think her shirt is pretty! _

I quickly listened to Rosalie for an evaluation of the situation. Had I let it get out of hand? _Damn Emmett, that horny little sucker! I'll show him who's hot, and my blouse is not ugly! _

I considered my reply, and then hurriedly texted Emmett, whose eyes watched me carefully: **Hmm. She really thinks you cheated on her. **I left out the shirt part because it was obviously my doing, **Did you? **I added for extra laughs.

I choked back my laughter when he yelled in his thoughts, _NO! _

**O RLY? **I sent as a reply. Texting was amusing, especially the weird abbreviated words. 'O RLY' always made me laugh at the sight, and I was beginning to use the odd texting language more frequently for entertainment.

_What do I do? _Emmett's voice was desperate.

**IDK. **My hand covered my mouth to stifle my laughter. Emmett's back faced me across the room, I wondered if he had picked up on my amusement. His thoughts left me with nothing but grief over their fight, yet somehow it was still funny. I laughed a little too loudly.

_You okay Edward? You choking on something?_

"I'm fine," I answered aloud, to be more declarative.

_So what should I do? _He asked again.

**Just give her some time to calm down. Now, who was it? **I danced with excitement inside my head. Who knew it was such fun to mess around with people?

_I DIDN'T CHEAT ON HER! _

**Hmm, really? ** I sent the message.

He growled in response, a noise that was obviously frustrated.

**Okay, I believe you. **Sent.

Emmett dashed up the stairs, _I'm gonna try to straighten things out. _

I sighed, have fun. I stood, sprinting to the door, flinging it open. I ran outside, far away from the house. I reached the woods, falling to the forest floor in laughter. That was too much fun! I loved being so immature. Pranks were hilarious, and so was the horrifically ungrammatical texting language. Then I thought of something as I laughed:

**I ROFL'D.**

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**A/N: XD Yey for Edward's payback! He's obsessed with texting speak! XDDD Who will be ruined next?! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or its characters, or its setting. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer! **


	2. Lost DVD

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Payback's a Prank

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Alice. Why hadn't I thought of her earlier? She must've noticed at some point in time that I would be acting devilish. I was in my room, lounging on my couch, she had left awhile ago, most likely to shop. I was accustomed to her voice and could hear her over distance:

_Maybe I should get the red instead of purple..._

Nothing to worry about as of now. Alice was absorbed in her shopping, and had probably been concentrating on which stores would have the best merchandise for her shopping trip. Now I could choose my next victim. I pondered for a moment while I typed on my cell phone for I'd just discovered the world of emoticons. **XD **was my favorite, while **-___-, **and were close behind. Someone knocked on my door.

_Edward, may I come in?_

It was Jasper. I texted a reply: **Yesh. XP**

I heard a fast vibration before he snatched it immediately.

_I'm right here, why couldn't you just say something?_

Exactly, I could day the same thing. Mind readers aren't treated fairly in this house. "You can come in," I answered verbally. I heard a snippet of Rosalie's thoughts as she passed my doorway to her room: _Maybe he'll like this blouse. _Her voice was belligerent.

Luckily, Emmett and Rosalie had sorted their discrepancies and were speaking to one another. As always, Rosalie held a grudge, particularly if it dealt with appearance. I could imagine the irritation she would feel toward me if she discovered I was the culprit.

Jasper entered lithely, I waved my hand in front of a leather chair across from me, "Take a seat."

His thoughts were in a jumble, for some reason he seemed nervous, "I'm going to stand."

"So?" I said to tip-off the conversation.

He tried to disguise his thoughts. _Apples._

Was he serious? He was not very good at hiding his true thoughts. Apples in a vampire's mind is suspicious, in a human's it is random. Then I began to worry, what if I knew I instigated the quarrel between Rosalie and Emmett?

_Pine. Apple. Pineapple. Hmm…_

He couldn't fool me. So it came to mind games, Jasper? Really? He knew, didn't he?

"Is there something you need to tell me?" I probed, searching for any type of response not pertaining to fruit.

"I'm too…" he started and then finished mentally, _embarrassed to say it out loud._

"Yes, baseball is great!" I exclaimed to any who might be listening in. I sent him a text: **k. i can read ur thgts. then i txt u bck. ^^**

Jasper rapidly examined the message, _I was wondering if…_

**wut? -___-" **I utilized every opportunity to use emoticons or texting.

_If, well, you knew where my…Richard Simmons workout DVD is…_

I smirked. Why does everyone come to me with their problems? Suddenly I remembered Carlisle's bookshelf, containing a covered DVD. I couldn't give Carlisle away, not yet, at least. I still had to torment Jasper!

I texted Jasper: **HMM. i rmbr cing it sumwhere. D:**

_Please, I need to find it before anyone knows it exists. You can keep this a secret, right? _

TOO LATE CARLISLE KNOWS. Wow, that was an immaturity high. I need to go back to scheming….**I rmbr cing it in Emtt's room. :/**

Jasper's face blanked, and then his eyes went wide. He looked like he was in pain.

_Emmett?! _

I nodded.

_I've gotta go find it!_

**I'll look round, jus n case. :)**

Jasper sprinted out of the room, bursting into Emmett's empty room. Everyone else seemed preoccupied enough to ignore the disturbances. I snuck into Carlisle's room, swiftly finding the covered DVD. I slipped the envelope off; Richard Simmons's smile spanned the front of the movie. I wondered why this would be in Carlisle's possession. I shrugged, oh well, I'll think about it later. I headed for Jasper's room, hurriedly sneaking in, and filing the DVD onto one of his bookshelves. I trotted over toward his door.

**JASPER!1!1!!1** I texted. He was by my side as soon as it was sent.

_It wasn't in Emmett's room. _

I pointed to the shelf. His eyes were wide with disbelief as he discovered the workout video.

_I could've sworn…_

I shrugged and casually walked out of the room.

_No one, and I mean no one, knows about this._

**I KNOW. XP**

I returned to my room, and rested on my couch. Jasper had a Richard Simmons DVD that Carlisle had stolen. Why? This could be humiliating and wickedly pleasing!

**MWAHA! C:**

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**A/N: Hehehoorf! Edward can be so evil and immature! I love it! I want to thank all of my reviewers (even if it is so few) for taking time to leave a review. ^^ Thanks! Reviews are kindly accepted, con. crit. is accepted, although I already know this is OOC and stupid. Hope you all enjoyed, please read and review. :) **

**Thanks,**

**~Bal-chan**


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